Thomas Aquinas Hogarty
When I think about Tom, I think about the fact that he never stopped believing in love. And that he never stopped being in love. And that he never stopped showing love.
When I think of my own father — and so many of our fathers — I think about men who really were forced into a very 50’s type role — but Tom broke those molds. He let his happiness and his song break free whenever he wanted to — whenever he needed to — and perhaps it was this determination — to live life on his own accord, to believe in love, to allow himself joy and song — to shine brightly — that kept Tom such a bright light in all our lives.
Tom was surrounded by the strength of so many strong women that loved him. His Mother, His Daughters, Claire, Naomi, Kathleen, Sarah, Nicole — and the love of his life, Donna! Tom loved — and was loved in return.
A Remembrance from Ella;
Two summers ago when I was working in NYC, I met PT at Penn station, when he flew in for a summer visit. It was Peak Rush hour with everyone rushing out to the Hamptons on a Friday afternoon. In the midst of the absolute chaos happening I’m searching the crowd for PT. I round the corner and see his bright white teeth and big smile yelling “HEY THATS MY GRAND DAUGHTER” as loud as he could in front of everyone.
We then got on the train headed east, packed like sardines. Papa Tom would not take a seat even though offered one by many of the people on the train. By the time we reached Ronkonkoma, we finally both had seats and I proceeded to update him on everything, I MEAN EVERYTHING, going on in my life. I absolutely loved that anything you’d talk to him about, he’d be listening so intently to every word you said. We laughed and chatted the whole way out to Speonk. He was so easy to talk to and I loved every second of it.
A few weeks went by and he called me after he left and said, “Ella you have no idea how much that train ride meant to me. I loved hearing about your college, boy and friend drama and I’m so happy we were able to spend that time together.” I loved him so much and was his biggest fan for so long. RIP to the best comedian, Grandfather, writer and all around guy I’ve ever met.
On Fathers:
You might never know a man’s vulnerable place until you see him with his daughter or granddaughter, because with her, he is capable of more human emotions than he will ever share with anyone else.
A father’s hopes for his children is for them to be as good as he meant to be.
My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.
When I am at my best, I am my Father’s Daughter.
We know it was terrible for you not to be able to be with your Dad in the end, but I believe I am right when I say that Thomas Aquinas Hogarty would have had asked the same thing my own beautiful Mother asked as she left this world… “Weren’t”t we blessed?”
